Regret
by anbumoo
Summary: He had never meant for this to happen, nor had he ever meant to care, but things happen, and sometimes one can only look back and accept. Now a chain of oneshots on kuro's feelings.
1. Chapter 1

Eh heh heh.. hullo! Back again, that I am. I feel so bad, I'm such a slow and pathetic writer. :D 

Anyway, I don't really know where this story came from, I thought of the plot-ish thing when I read chapter 126, and when I took a shower. --

Okies, back to the chapter. This is actually my first Tsubasa fanfic, so… go easy on me:D

Disclaimer: If I was a part of CLAMP, then yes, I would own Tsubasa, and the ever-so-adorable Fay D. Flourite would be miiiiiiiine! I would also be filthy rich, but the manga would never have gotten so popular. Make of this what you will.

I also really have no idea how to spell Fay's name. Personally, I'm thinking it's spelled Fay D. Flourite, but I've seen Fai D. Flowright and Fye D. Flowright and several combinations of these and even more. (In fact, the only thing solid about his name is the D. - -) so… feel free to spell his name in anyway you like.

WARNING: This story contains spoilers for everything up to ch. 126. If you didn't read the chapter, I strongly suggest you go read the chapter before reading this. This story has also not been previously reread or edited by anyone/anything else other than my dying brain, which I do not trust at the ungodly hour I am typing this. So.

Well, with that said and done, read, enjoy, and review!

**Regret**

Anbumoo

He never should have left them alone. That was his first thought as the changed blue eye penetrated his very being. He should have known at the very moment that the idiot _fool_ had told him to let him travel alone with the boy, to protect the princess instead, to let him run the risk of getting himself killed.

He really should have known the moment the kid snatched the feather from the shattered book.

But he hadn't known. He could have, should have, must have at some point realized that something was wrong, that something was going to destroy what everyone had tried so hard to build.

He was more than capable; he should have been able to stop such a thing from happening.

_Why?_ The eye asked. _Why didn't you leave me to die… when it was all I wanted?_

He didn't know.

_Why?_

Deep inside, he knew why. Somewhere inside whatever remained of his shattered heart, he knew why he didn't do anything, the reason he wasn't able to destroy the clone when it first started acting destructive.

He had once accused the idiot mage of changing, of beginning to care for passing witnesses in his flight from his king, all the while living in the past and ignoring the present, the future.

When had he started to change?

He had once been aloof, uncaring, determined to fulfill his goals no matter what.

When had he started looking at the passing scenery?

He was a ninja. He was supposed to protect his princess. He was supposed to kill, supposed to face death without fear, without doubt. He was supposed to be emotionless, the perfect killing machine, the perfect shield.

When had he started caring for those that weren't supposed to matter?

This wasn't supposed to happen. He should have let the idiot die like he wanted, not pay the price for his life, not bind them forever together, not put him through so much unnecessary pain. He wasn't supposed to want him to stay alive, wasn't supposed to believe that he would miss the constant teasing, miss the annoying presence.

When had he become so selfish?

When had he become human?

It could have been when Tomoyo first sent him away, when he saw the kid holding his precious princess and begging the witch for help, when the white pork bun stared at him and declared they weren't leaving the world without a feather, when the mage first gave him that obviously fake grin and started calling him stupid, kiddish, downright idiotic names, when the princess first opened her eyes, when she smiled like a broken toy and the kid cried like a broken heart.

He couldn't answer, didn't care to answer. The question why would always be there, always haunting him.

Strangely enough, he was ok with that.

He was jolted and shocked for a second when the pale mage—vampire— lost the death grip on his body and collapsed onto the bed, unconscious and panting heavily, accompanied by a chorus of the rabbit thing's screams.

He only needed rest, they said. He would be fine.

Tension disappeared and happiness erupted in the room shortly thereafter, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from that pale, sickly, and strangely fragile face.

He found out later that the whole ordeal was a test, almost to prove his loyalty. The witch revealed that once the eye was returned, the mage would be a mage and nothing more.

He felt the familiar and soothing anger and annoyance rise up within him again, and he welcomed it. Things would return to normal, and he could once again be in charge.

But, some things could not be changed, like the fact that he had ultimately bonded himself with not only Fay, but Syaoran, the Mokona pork bun, and the princess Sakura as well, and the fact that his princess Tomoyo was the culprit behind this whole mess: sending him away so suddenly.

For some reason, he didn't regret a thing.

_Maybe_, Kurogane thought, picking up the mage's limp body and holding it close, _despite everything that happened…_

_Maybe things won't be so bad after all. _


	2. Chapter 2

…. Well. Hullo. Here I am, updating a story that was meant to be a one-shot.

… Bad me. Baaaaaaaad.

Well, I got hit by inspiration(s): first from chapter 131(? well, the one where fay wakes up), second from my English teacher. Yeah, don't ask. She was talking about the book Great Expectations, or something, and I was doodling, and the doodling somehow became writing, and then I had a little drabble on my hands which I didn't know what to do with. So here it is.

Don't expect too much of it, cause I was trying to pay attention to the aforementioned English teacher at the same time I was writing this… so I don't think Kuro-myuu is quite in character. … Oops. Ah well. :D

Read, and inform me if it's goooood/baaaaaaad! (in other words, review. :D)

Disclaimer the second: … I've been reading too much European history. - -. The successor of the first disclaimer serves the same purpose: to tell others that anbumoo does not, in fact, own Tsubasa, which agrees with popular belief.

Chapter the second (that was not meant to be.)

**High Expectations**

Anbumoo

What had he expected? Was it the carefree, don't worry, ever-so-fake smile that he had grown accustomed to? The names, the constant teasing, the foolish wall that never fell?

What was it?

Not this.

It hurt. Unexpectedly, irrationally, in a "no way this is possible" way. It shouldn't.

He shouldn't miss the stupid nicknames. After all, having them stop—that was all he wanted… wasn't it?

Yet the unnerving stare, accusing, condemning in the split second it was there…

Then he had smiled.

It was alright now, wasn't it? A smile stood for happiness, content, the good in the worlds—no, for him a smile was a façade, a shield to hide behind, an anchor that would chain him to sanity but was slowly dragging away.

He smiled a smile faker than any he had ever seen.

And then he spoke.

He didn't think he had heard right. Kurogane. That couldn't be. Kurogane. No suffix, no attachments, just…

_Kurogane_.

It was normal.

It was unsettling.

It wasn't the mage.

And perhaps that was what frightened him most.

Speechless: for the first time since they met, he was speechless. What was there to say? Sorry? He wasn't. I don't care? It would be a lie.

Ninjas don't lie.

Instead he had turned and walked away. He felt the gaze searing at his back, but he didn't turn around.

There was nothing to return to.

Maybe that's why he and the kid had always felt that strange sort of bond. They were alone, nothing to look back to, just walk forward, forward, into the never-ending future.

But the kid was gone now, too.

Alone. Truly alone.

Standing next to the boy and looking towards the sky, he felt it: the strange feeling that tears at his heart with claws as deadly as poison, slashing, ripping.

And it hurt.

And again, he was helpless. All his strength, his power, his fighting ability was useless. Again, Kurogane could do nothing.

So he resolved to walk forward, to never look back—

To deal with things as they come—

To never regret.


End file.
